but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
