i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize