did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
