Christians are straight up FREAKS
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
