i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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