i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
