mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
