So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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