I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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