Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
