I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
