Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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