Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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