A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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