i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
