positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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