Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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