Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
