Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
