There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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