it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Randomize
