walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
