I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
