i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love accidental penises.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize