Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
