peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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