god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize