Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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