I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
