Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
