So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
