my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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