i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
