Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
