fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
