Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
