My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
