i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
