Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
