When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
