Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
