The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
