I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
