My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
