I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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