I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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