I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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