Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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