they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I still have a little drunk in my system
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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