if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
