i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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