Yo dont text me then not text me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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