Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
