shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
