OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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