Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my poor anus
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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