Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
