I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
