We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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