Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
