They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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