i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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