I want to have your abortion
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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