I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
