I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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