it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
