I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
