I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
