The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
