Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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