So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
