My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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