I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We had to coat check the pizza.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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