We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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