I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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