Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
