How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
