So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
