It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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